temple tonight

another passion of mine is comedy.

in 2015, i became a writer on and helped launch temple university's first late night show, temple tonight. there are many similarities between the joke-writing process and how i approach creative briefs. all it takes is a combination of existing ideas.

monologue jokes


An Indiana woman is recovering after being shot in the foot by her dog, named Trigger. While she understands the situation is ironic, she says she just can’t wait to be home with her cat, 

Mr. Falling Grand Piano.


Student Matthew Velasquez recently represented Temple on a college-themed episode of Wheel of Fortune. When Pat Sajak wanted to know if he’d like to buy a vowel, Velasquez asked, “Do you take Diamond Dollars?”


Pokemon Go and Donald Trump made headlines throughout the summer, bringing roaring, orange monsters to both your smartphone and every major news network. Trump and Pokemon are both stapes of the 90’s making a resurgence, which means it’s only a matter of time before CatDog becomes our next Surgeon General.


A set of quintuplets in Michigan have all been hired to work for their local McDonalds. The kids described flipping burgers and dealing with customers as painful labor, to which their mother replied, “Really?”


Everyone seems to be getting interested in the race, including Ben and Jerry, who recently introduced a new flavor called Bernie’s Yearning, honoring Bernie Sanders. In response, Donald Trump blasted Ben and Jerry’s for supporting a socialist, and for hiring that undocumented worker “Cherry Garcia”.